Just a comment to gampangsolo's "Proper Review" entry

This is to comment o Mr. Shahredza Minhat's writing in the Gampang Solo entry.

First of all, I can't agree more with what Redza has to say. I share the same view on cheap movies, for the sake of this entry - Hantu Bonceng. However, I do have a deep concern for the writer writing such a "loud" entry as so, since he is in the industry (yes, we can call it that.. hehe). The industry is so small here in Malaysia. Maybe 'small' is such a small word for to describe how small the industry is - maybe 'minute' is a more suitable adjective. It is so small that you flip the channel on TV, you'd see the same faces. So, him being so critical, albeit true and accurate, may jeapordize his own steppings in the industry. Just being concern here.

1.) on 'sampah'.
Is Hantu Bonceng entirely a 'sampah'? Meh.. I've seen worse. Flat 3A for to name one. However, between 1 to Pusat Pungutan Sampah, I can't really rate Hantu Bonceng there. I can give a plus on effort, at least. Some movies are funny or enjoyable only when you watch it in the cinemas, but when you watch it at home, the magic gone! Same goes with Hantu Bonceng, I guess. My friends who watched it on the big screen complimented it. I watched it at home, find it hard to laugh with it. From time to time, I found myself laughing AT it rather. It is a cheap joke, for entertainment sake, I give them that. They do have managed to tickle people. Their objective achieved, but nothing more.

2) formula.
As I've mentioned before in Twitter. I don't get it why the movie is called as Hantu Bonceng. The Hantu only appears only in the 1st half of the movie, and all that while, she never bonceng on any bike, at all. Even as human, she only bonceng for like less then 1 minute! Shouldn't Hantu Bonceng be an appiration that takes the backseat of a motorbike that scares others who witness it, or making the motorbike becomes suddenly heavy?
Ghost story+Rempit movie formulated in Hantu Bonceng is a total failure. I wanna compare it with Quentin Tarantino's From Dusk till Dawn (1/2 kidnapping movie + 1/2 vampire movie), but that would be an insult.

3) now how does one become responsible?
Too late for that.. Hehe. Yet "quality" is a word simple enough to say, very hard to produce. And I think it is not wrong to say that what Redza has took the words out of my mouth when he wrote that. Hehe.
And please try too hard to make a local meme - "Apa celup?", "Toq (nasalized)", etc. The catchphrase won't make the movie popular, it is the other way around, rather.  People love "meme ah", "kita bakor", etc. because the actors successfully played the roles and the characters work!


4) terlalu banyak 'kebetulan'.
Plot - most Malaysian movies have problems in this area. Most of the bad ones do. I don't want to comment on their SFX - that cost money.  I don't want to comment on their line of casts - we don't have enough to choose from, really. But PLOT? Really? It is free and the most basic thing one filmmaker has got to take care of. The subplots in Hantu Bonceng have no purpose, other than just to stretch the movie so it would be long enough to be a movie. They don't play any function as any literary device - no foreshadowing, no metaphor, no symbolism - the subplots are stand-alone. Remove any of the subplot, the movie would still make sense.
I don't know whether this is intended or a wardrobe malfunction, remember when Zizan and his partner in crime tried to infiltrate the morgue and they were greeted by the ghost, holding a prosthetic leg and a femur conntected to a tibia? The mystery part here is that, why was she wearing an orange t-hirt?
One 'kebetulan' is when the girlfriend's attempt to confront Zizan at his own home. After knocking the door so many times and loudly, to add to that, to her convenience, she has the opportunity to witness the Nasi Kangkang ritual. Voila! And on the same day, she didn't go to work because she had an "EL" because she had an "MC"? (Two different types of leave) And to the filmmaker's convenience, Zizan don't know about this eventhough they stay in the same house and obviously, he has to give her a ride for work, everyday.
(p/s: May I add that it is still wrong for unwed men and women to stay under one roof even the ration is not 1:1... A threesome is a no-no too, you know.)

5) let's go back to junk food.
I agree with Redza, again. Filmmakers would make 'junk' movies, because the consumers are not too picky. And the consumers are not choosey because, let's face it, there is nothing to choose from after all. It is a Catch 22 Situation all over again. Malaysians are served with movies that they deserve, but not the movies they need. (source: Dark Knight line. Hehe)
If filmmakers are saying that 'junk' movies we have now represent the level of mentality Malaysian movie goers, then I'd say that that is a false judgement. If it is true that our taste is only in 'junk' movies, then 'nutiricious' movies (Award Winning Hollywood movies, etc.) would not be able to make in his country - people would not go and watch them, and they would not be able to make returns. And as we all know, this is not the case entirely.

6) small fry
Redza dude, don't be a fry - not healthy. Be a carrot stick instead - a healthier snack. Hehe.
I applause your effort to voice what is wrong in the industry, but the path is a long way... Just be careful, please. We don't want to see people who believe in seeing Malaysia producing world recognized movies to be denied from continuing serving in the industry - anything could happen. Having said that, there are many who are here to back you up - I for one. :)

7) jangan pandang belakang
I'd say, up till now, I'm not a fan of any local comedy movie yet (year 2000 and onwards). Huh. I guess I'm a worse case than Redza then. Hehe.

OK.. I've been writing too long that I don't think people would have the time to read. Haha. I better end it now before I can write a proper thesis on this and become a certified movie critic. And that would be bad for Malaysian movie industry I think. I am not in the industry. My words are from a person who is on the other side of the camera and on the other side of the silver screen. I may not represent the whole, but I do believe I represent some.

I beg to be corrected.

WALlahu'alam

12 Days of Christmas (my version)

12 Days of Christmas (my version)

As thought by Azuan Ahmad

*sing-a-long with your own instrumental song, OK. :)

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

Four Fantastic 'nauts,

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

Five~ Children and It.

Four Fantastic 'nauts,

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

6th Sense a-seeing,

Five~ Children and It.

Four Fantastic 'nauts,

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

Se7en sins a-killing,

6th Sense a-seeing

Five~ Children and It.

Four Fantastic 'nauts,

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

8 Mile a-singing,

Se7en sins a-killing,

6th Sense a-seeing

Five~ Children and It.

Four Fantastic 'nauts,

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

9 District squatting,

8 Mile a-singing,

Se7en sins a-killing,

6th Sense a-seeing

Five~ Children and It.

Four Fantastic 'nauts,

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

10 Things I'm Hating,

9 District squatting,

8 Mile a-singing,

Se7en sins a-killing,

6th Sense a-seeing

Five~ Children and It. 

Four Fantastic 'nauts,

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

11 Ocean's stealing,

10 Things I'm Hating,

9 District squatting,

8 Mile a-singing,

Se7en sins a-killing,

6th Sense a-seeing

Five~ Children and It.

Four Fantastic 'nauts,

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..

12 Monkeys spreading,

11 Ocean's stealing,

10 Things I'm Hating,

9 District squatting,

8 Mile a-singing,

Se7en sins a-killing,

6th Sense a-seeing

Five~ Children and It.

Four Fantastic 'nauts,

300 Spartans,

2 Fast 2 Furious, and

a pirated collection of CDs.

My Personal Quotes II

Of a Friend or a Foe 
As thought by Azuan Ahmad

If your friend’s friend is your friend, you’re friendly.
If your friend’s enemy is your enemy, you’re protective.
If your enemy’s friend is your friend, you’re unbiased.
If your enemy’s enemy is your friend, you’re just an ally.

But

If your friend’s friend is your enemy, you’re jealous.
If your friend’s enemy is your friend, you’re a betrayer.
If your enemy’s friend is your enemy, you’re stereotyping.
If your enemy’s enemy is your enemy, you’re in denial.

My Personal Quotes I

1. Take a walk that is zeal, speak a talk that is real, touch all hearts and start to feel.

2. Your love might may give you his/her heart; Your family would for sure welcome you with their open arms; but true friends will share with you their two shoulders: One for you to cry on when you're down, and another to lift you up celebrating your successes.

B.U.N.T.U.

B.U.N.T.U.

Sajak nukilan Azuan Ahmad

Fikrah manusia itu berfikir

Inginkan akal namun tak hadir

Kerna hembusan kealpaan datang menyapa

Ilham walaupun sedetik tak kunjung tiba

Raut durja mula berkerut

Anak mata liar dilontar ke langit ilmu lalu hanyut

Natijahnya, tanda tanya menjadi penyudah sebut

Buntu itu bererti:

Umpama langkah diorak ke jalan mati

Nescaya ia akan terhenti

Teraba-raba dalam dzulmat sesudah senja

Untuk mendapatkan hidayat yang diberi kepada yang terpilih sahaja

Tika buntu ditebas, dicantas, ditawan

Itulah masanya kembara menjelajah rimba pengetahuan

Apa yang sempat, pasti direntapi

Diolah, diulit, disemai, ditampi

Agar nukilan minda menjadi seni yang rapi

Ilham itu harganya tinggi

Laksana emas, bahkan lebih lagi

Habis susutnya, tanpa segan dan kesal, ia pasti pergi

Apa yang asalnya lahir dari yang sejenak, hari ini dirai sehayat

Maka, doalah supaya tak kembali buntu dan sesat.

(Footnote: This is actually an acrostic poem, if you haven't noticed)

Dari Kaca Mata Si Kecil

Dari Kaca Mata Si Kecil

Sajak nukilan Azuan Ahmad

Jernih anak mata ini

Bak tercemar dek tingkah

     Yang kemutkan takhta tak bernilai itu

     Terdetik benci di kalbu

Suci hati halus ini

Bak ternoda dek laku

     Yang tiada simpati, apatah lagi empati

     Paparan nafsu nafsi

Mampir si buta, meraba dengan tongkat,

dibiarnya berdiri;

Mampir si bunting, mendukung warisan esok,

enam purnama sudah;

Mampir si tua, melangkah longlai kerna

kudrat diratah usia;

Mampir si tempang, mengheret kaki kayu,

menahan perit

Naïf insan kerdil ini,

Rasa melankoli menyaluti kalbu

Rasa kasihan tampak di durja

Walau hanya satu ruang kecil sahaja yang

mampu ditawarkan

Bangku yang bukan miliknya,

     Bukan milik siapa-siapa,

Dilepaskan jua untuk yang memerlukannya

Gerabak ini menjadi saksi

Betapa budi, lahir dari anak ini

Mampu mendetikkan hati-hati yang kononnya

lebih dewasa

Yang tadi hanya diam

Bak tunggul, berakal sugul

Lihatlah wahai nusa

Betapa bangsa harus prihatin

Menyemai budi bahasa

Betapa perlu kita melihat dunia

Dari kacamata si kecil

The Aftermath

The Aftermath

A poem by Azuan Ahmad

Smoke of burnt ashes filled the stenched air,

Of cadavers poisonous fume here and there.

A banshee spread her wings on the blast,

And breathed in those faces as she passed.

The earth was covered with a carpet of bodies,

And plundered lands and razed homes and torched granaries.

Casualties of fighters and their steeds,

All were dead, and no more blood to bleed.

The sky was cruel, as cold as bone.

The banners unlifted, the trumpet unblown.

Only one stood, 

The sole hero of the Brotherhood.

A saddened rider distorted and pale,

With a shield in one hand, another a flail.

Through his armour could be seen his pride,

But now melancholy had replaced his might.

What victor should he celebrate,

When his brothers are now all dead?

Ahad!

Ahad!

Rewritten by Azuan Ahmad

Why shed these tears of sorrow?

Why waste this weep of grief?

Ya akhi how soon you forget,

After trials come sweet relief.

Why turn you from Ar-Rahman? 

Why yearn for a listening friend?

Ya akhi, do you not remember,

On ALLAH, you must depend?

Read you not those stories,

of the trials in days gone by,

Of the Sahabah beloved by Nabi,

Who for Allah’s cause did strive?

Why loosen your hold upon Him? 

Why fling away, His outstretched Hand?

Ya akhi, do you not remember,

Bilal’s patience on the blazing sand?

"Ahad! Ahad!" He cried,

While his flesh dripped and burned..

"Ahad! Ahad!" He cried,

To Allah alone he turned.

Forget you the firmness of Hamza,

As the gleaming swords did fall?

With patience he turned to Allah,

as the Quraish did slice and maul.

Why drown in salty teardrops?

How can you dare compare your pain?

To that of Yasir and Summayah,

As the lay tortured on the scorching plane?

Forget you the charring of Khabbab, 

As on burning coals he lay?

Ya akhi how meager your suffering,

Wherefore do you lose your way?

Why continue to mumble and grumble,

As if your life is at stake?

Like what happened to Mashitah

Had to defend her faith for sake.

Forget you the dreadful people of Yathrib?

Rained Muhammad with sticks and stones,

Yet, His unloosing spirit endured,

Still them he did forgive and condone.

Why befriend you not Al-Wali? 

Why not in Salat to Him complain?

Like Ayub who only to Allah,

Turned in all his grief and pain?

Forget you those trials in this life,

Cleanse your heart and make it clean?

Ya akhi, why all this sadness?

Do you not wish your heart to gleam?

Be patient in all your hardships,

Allah hears your cries of woe.

So trust Him and in His hikma,

For He knows best that you not do.

So tighten your hold upon Him,

Lest He withdraw His outstretched Hand!

And remember the example of Bilal,

As he lay anchored on the blazing sand.

"Ahad! Ahad!" he cried,

While his flesh dripped and burned.

"Ahad! Ahad!" he cried,

To Allah alone he turned.

The excusable Salats

The excusable Salats

A poem by Azuan Ahmad

The sleepy Fajar,

When the quilt is heavy and the eyes ajar;

The sleeper continues to turn and yawn,

In the end, Fajar is just another dawn.

The buzy Dzuhur,

When there isn't even time for lunch for sure;

The procrastinator leaves it on a delay,

In the end, Dzuhur is just another midday.

The tired Asar,

When heading home only to be stuck in the car;

The loafer favours this time as opportune, 

In the end, Asar is just another afternoon.

The lazy Maghrib,

When it is time to lounge in one's crib;

The socialite is with friends or with a date dining,

In the end, Maghrib is just another evening.

The forgotten Ishaa,

When it is cozier to sip a cup of cha;

The fan watches a TV football highlight,

In the end, Ishaa is just another night.

The Crush

The Crush

A poem by Azuan Ahmad

That crush

It came in a rush,

Your lips remain hush

Your cheeks start to blush.

As if your heart impaled by a lance,

As if your emotion begins to dance,

So, you pray for a glance

Or at least a conversational chance.

"Should I text, should I call?

Should I reveal my name and all?

Should I just peep between the wall?"

You question yourself as you start to fall.

You yearn, you adore,

And imagine your very own love's lore,

Is that the person you are meant for?

Or just a crush, and nothing more.